


Give back what I didn't know I need

by Red_Code



Series: self-indulgent hand holding [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-05-28 13:12:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19394845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Code/pseuds/Red_Code
Summary: Everything seemed to come back to normal, but is this enough? Especially since some questions meant to be asked went unspoken.Cue the frustration, now that they wonder if they've been missing out all this time.





	1. Reality check

Sanji felt a jolt in his body, chocking on an inhale as his eyes shot open.  
He stared at the wall in front of him, blinking away tears while his eyes adjusted to the darkness. The sight seemed unfamiliar at first. He scanned the room, absent glance stumbling upon all of the sleeping crew. He must've been relocated back to the men's bedroom in his sleep. A couple moments passed, while his mind regained the weak grasp on reality. He’s back, and he’s safe.  
Sanji tried to focus on his surroundings, reaching the trembling hand out for a cigarette. Drawing a spark, he takes in the sound of waves hitting the ship, the sight of his snoring crewmates, the familiar scent of smoke. His breathing gets steadier with every exhale.  
The details of a nightmare quickly faded away from his memory. Only the brightest of images remained: the deafening snap of his bones, the crimson trickle of blood on his face, the vague flashes of red, blue and green, so out of place, yet so fitting in the violent scene.

  
"I guess you can never struggle in a dream..."

  
_Not like I could in reality._

  
Sanji squeezed his eyes shut again, shaking his head in a weak attempt to force the thought out of his mind.  
He wants to get up, walk on the deck. He wants the cold breeze to peel away the feeling of metal clinging to his skin. He wants to stare at the stars and the waves for hours, burning the image into his mind over something he didn't want to see ever again.  
He sighed, feeling another headache develop slowly but surely. It will take a while to get back to normal.  
The cook started drifting out of consciousness again, slowly losing control over his own thoughts.  
All of a sudden he found himself desperately craving the heat of Zoro's chest against his back. It would probably be enough to keep the memories of the incident away for the rest of the night. Sanji tried ignoring the thought, to no avail.  
It's hard to avoid when he could just extend his arm to brush his fingers against those ridiculous green strands. Sanji briefly considered waking him up, but that was likely to backfire. The moment they shared just a few hours ago was so short and odd, that it might as well have been disregarded as a dream. He wouldn't put it past the stubborn swordsman to use that excuse, even if just to be left alone.  
Sanji couldn't help feeling a slight pang of regret at the thought. However weird and brief, it was real, and he enjoyed it.  
Most of all, Sanji missed Zoro's hand holding his own.  
Despite his initial urge to laugh at this idiot for the admittedly weird action, the short time they spent in such close proximity burnt itself into both his skin and his memory. Sanji didn't expect the vulnerability of the moment to feel so natural. After all, he was one of the strongest members of the crew, others relied on him all the time.  
Yet, he couldn’t shake off the shameful, almost childish desire to feel Zoro’s arms wrapped around him.  
To be shielded from the horrors coming out of his own head.  
Sanji put out the neglected cigarette, as the feeling of security slowly pulled him back into the darkness.  
This time he could only dream about the damn swordsman’s fingers, intertwined with his own.

***

-Seriously, Chopper, can't you speed up his recovery somehow? I'm tired of washing dishes after that witch.

  
A brief, almost aggressive flick of a lighter was the only warning the swordsman needed to cower, the burning object bounced off the wall to the floor next to him.

  
-What did you call Nami-san?!

  
Zoro stood up, closing the lighter and hurling it right back in one fierce motion before something caught fire.

  
-I don't enjoy being used, unlike a certain idiot!

-You!...

For a moment it looked like Sanji might spring up and land a crushing kick to his head, ignoring the fractures. Zoro reached for his sword instinctively, while Chopper took human form, yelling for the cook to stay down.

  
_-Try saying that again when I'm not bedridden, mossbrain!_

  
Zoro froze, another insult dying on his lips. His fist tightened around the sword's handle, as he searched for words, but the realization has already snapped him out with a force of a gut punch. The cook, though angrily struggling to shake off the transformed reindeer pinning him to the bed, was in no state to fight. Chopper turned his head to send the swordsman out, but Zoro had already stormed away, сursing under his breath.  
Climbing up to the crow's nest, he wondered if Sanji's forgotten the events of last night.  
"Or did he just think it was a dream? Is that why he let his guard down so easily?.."  
The swordsman sighed, leaning against the mast. He watched the ocean glistening orange in the sunset, ignoring the weirdly persistent ache settling in his chest.  
A day had passed, but he still remembered the incident with acute precision. The peaceful look on Sanji's face changing into a strained expression, the way his skin felt, smooth and cool to the touch, the tension slipping away the moment he drew the other man closer to his chest.  
No doubt, it was real. He did fall asleep by this damn cook’s side back then, and, for as short as it was, it did feel good.  
Yet, nothing seemed to have changed at all. Sanji continued badmouthing Zoro from the bed, the swordsman kept gritting his teeth, before spitting out something equally annoying and meaningless in retaliation, until an all too familiar flash of pain came, quickly fading into a dull throb on the back of his head-Nami’s had enough of them raising a ruckus so close to her room, when she’s busy drawing charts.

  
-Go train on the deck or something!-she'd say.

  
"Stop agitating each other when one of you can't fight" she'd think.

  
As they find themselves as far from each other as the ship would allow, frustration drives both of them crazy just like before they walked into that damn ambush a few days ago. But as it inevitably wore off, they couldn't help thinking how wrong the usual verbal clashing felt after that one time they didn't fight.  
At night as the control slips away, both wonder if the weird dream repeats itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, English isn't my first language, so some word choices or sentence structures may seem weird.  
> My, did that take a while...  
> Not sure if anyone wanted this, but... I did. So it’s here.  
> Thanks to a kind stranger from tumblr for unintentional(?) motivation. Now sure if they read ao3 or would enjoy my writing, and it's been a month but...thanks.


	2. Crisis point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter how much they tried to forget about what happened, the consequences are still there.   
> Though it's not like all of them are bad...

Usopp leaned against the railing of the crow's nest, his absent gaze scanning the deceptively calm sea. Nothing but waves, no signs of monsters or, god forbid navy ships. Usopp still isn't sure which is worse. He's fine with it being calm. They went almost a whole week without a fight, and he'd go another week like that if it was up to him.

A sudden pang of hunger guided his glance down to the door of the now empty kitchen. Eating was a problem for the few days they spent looking for Sanji, not just because of Nami's cooking skills. It was all about the constant reminder of someone who wasn't there.  
Luffy was the only one that kept eating as usual. Not because he wasn't worried about the cook, it's just that he was determined to bring Sanji back. The thought of losing him for whatever reason didn't even cross the captain's mind.

"We'll go there, we'll get him".

That's how their captain was, always. That's how the first mate seemed to be at first glance.

Although Zoro didn't show it or talk about the incident at all, he was worried. The swordsman knew too well what their captain didn't think about. Luffy only cared about the result, Zoro couldn't help thinking about what could be happening while they were searching.  
The result probably turned out to be worse than he thought.

The nauseating image crept up on the sniper, forcing him to tighten his grip on the railing.  
He thought about the eerie creaking of old flooring, dotted with mold. The stale, humid air.  
 _Blood. Bright red splatters dripping down the walls, the floor, his face even. The sounds of flesh being violently hacked apart accompanied by a hair-raising scream sending shivers down his limbs, but he can't let his hand slip, even for a second. The very life purpose of his nakama is on the line._  
Usopp shook his head and tried to focus on the sight in front of him.

"We earned some rest"-he thought.

The weather's been awfully calm for a while.  
  
***

Sanji could barely hear what was going on up on the deck, but Chopper was perceptive enough to make out the most important words.

_"I see an island!"_

"An island?!"-Chopper couldn't hide the excitement in his voice. It's been a while since they walked on dry land. He turned around just in time to see Sanji's face fall, initial surprised darkened by a short flash of resentment. The reindeer almost felt guilty for his own enthusiasm.  
  
"You're upset because you can't go, right?"  
The cook didn't respond, turning his face away to avoid meeting Chopper's eyes.

_Should've expected that much._

They were bound to get somewhere in such a long time. Getting frustrated would get him nowhere. 

With a deep breath, he faced the reindeer again. The somber expression was gone, replaced with a reassuring smile.  
"It's fine. You should go though, I can handle myself for the rest of the day."  
"Are you sure?"

Chopper couldn't help noticing that the tension didn't disappear from Sanji's pose. The cook was determined though.

"Yeah, don't worry. Just don't forget to leave someone to watch the ship."

 _"And me"_ -a thought occurred on the back on his mind. He shut it down immediately.   
  
The reindeer stayed silent, stalling for a while, before springing up to climb the ladder. The cook's eyes followed the furry figure until it disappeared behind a closed hatch. The corners of his mouth dropped, lips pressed into a thin line, while he reached for a cigarette for who knows what time today.  
He let the smoke out with a shaky, bitter sigh, closing his eyes.  
The whole situation felt rather unfair.

Sanji didn't notice the moment his whirlwind of thoughts started slipping into unconsciousness. Neither did he realize when yet another nightmare sent a wave of shudders down his spine. His breathing was getting shallow, the shaking grew more violent, pushing his body closer to the edge of the bed until his eyes shot open. The room in front of him rushed by in a blur, as he realized it was too late. The expression of shock on his face distorted into a pained grimace as he felt the impact deep in his bones. A flash of pain almost blinded the cook, as he prayed not to hear another deafening crack.

Sanji laid on the floor with his jaw clenched and eyes squeezed shut, trying not to pay attention to the dull throbbing in his bones. The ache settled in his ribs and head, along with a subtle ringing in his ears. Even the slight movement would shoot back another flash down his nerves as a horrifying realization hit him.  
  
 _He will not be able to get back up on his own._

***

A loud thud echoed in the bedroom.  
  
Zoro blinked reluctantly, unsure of what exactly disturbed his sleep. The sun was crawling down, closer to the horizon. It was too quiet for this time of day, so he wondered if the rest of the crew have disembarked while he was napping.  
An absent glance on the deck confirmed this. He was left to watch the ship.  
He was already falling asleep again when a sudden realization forced his eyes wide open.

_Someone's still on the ship._

Without missing a beat, the swordsman rushed to the bedroom, having a pretty good idea of what could've caused the sound. He didn't think about the consequences, that damn cook's pride probably won't let him accept any help, and he wouldn't let Zoro hear the end of it for worrying. 

Zoro didn't care. Now wasn't the time. 


End file.
